By Qarol Price
For 42 years, my husband and I have been facilitators of discussion. We began with Heretics Anonymous in the 80s, a salon we hosted in our home where people could talk about things that were difficult, controversial or downright socially taboo.
The name was deliberately provocative, but the purpose was serious: to create a safe space for people to discuss things that matter. Participants came with widely divergent opinions as much to listen as to speak.
Today, we facilitate Civil Discourse Through Film at the Harrison Center for Selma. We use movies of substance as a springboard for conversations about difficult questions and, along the way, examine the virtues — or the lack of them, displayed by the characters on screen.
Films give us something to argue about without requiring us to make one another the enemy. That distinction seems especially important in the age of social media.
A respectful discussion does not require agreement. In fact, disagreement is often where the interesting conversation begins. Respect means recognizing that the person on the other side of an argument is still a person.
It requires curiosity rather than contempt, listening rather than merely waiting for an opportunity to retaliate, and a willingness to consider that we might not possess the whole truth.
It also requires civility. We can challenge an idea without attacking its author. We can point out a flaw in someone’s reasoning without implying that the person is a fool. We can say, “I strongly disagree,” without adding, “and anyone who thinks that way must be an idiot.”
Then there is emotion — the wild card in every discussion.
Anger, indignation, jealousy, fear and even righteous certainty can hijack judgment. Social media makes this particularly tempting because a screen gives us distance from the human being on the other side.
It is easier to ridicule someone we cannot see. Easier to humiliate or demean them. The keyboard can become a kind of emotional weapon, allowing an impulse to fire before judgment has even loaded the gun.
The connection is worth remembering: character rises to the occasion in the space between feeling the wild impulse and acting upon it. Respect, then, isn’t weakness. It is self- discipline.
Social media ought to be a marketplace of ideas, not a battlefield of egos. A marketplace assumes that people bring different goods to the table.
We examine them, compare them, haggle over their value, and sometimes walk away with something we did not bring with us.
A battlefield has a different objective: defeat the other side.
After 42 years of watching people wrestle with difficult ideas, I have become convinced that the real victory in a discussion isn’t making someone else look small. It is making the conversation larger.
And that begins with respect.
